This article originally appeared on Mom.com and was written by Dr. Tina Payne Bryson.

You know the look. The one you get when someone sees you doing something with your baby they think you shouldn’t. I’m a mom of three who’s written several books about parenting, and even I can feel insecure (and simultaneously perturbed) when I notice someone judging what I’m doing with one of my kids. And granted, sometimes, maybe I deserve that disapproval. (It’s a little embarrassing, for instance, that the behind-the-counter staff at our neighborhood burgers-and-burritos joint know my children by name.)

But there are also plenty of examples of times parents get criticized for doing something that scientific research actually endorses. If you’re regularly practicing any of these activities and worry what people might think of you, don’t. Science has your back.

Spit-washing a dropped pacifier

Many of us have done this. We figure our germs are better than random germs from the ground. Sometimes we can’t find a sink and rinse a binky. Or maybe we just don’t want to do it for the third time in the last five minutes. So we furtively glance around to see who’s watching, then we place it in our mouth and pop it back into our baby’s.

I understand the desire to be a bit stealthy when executing this often-frowned-upon maneuver. But according to research, you can actually brag about your spit-washing strategy (as well as its less-sacrificial cousin, the dusting-off-via-the-pant-leg approach). The truth is that exposing your infant to common household germs and dirt will help her develop a strong immune system, whereas over-sanitizing an environment will cause a baby’s immune system to remain immature or hyper-sensitized, rather than becoming strong and robust.

Of course, parents need to protect their babies from infections carried by themselves or others and be smart about what they’re exposed to, especially in public places like malls, hospitals, and airplanes, and particularly while the coronavirus is spreading. But from a general standpoint, children’s health can also suffer when we become overprotective in terms of sanitization and cleanliness.

More to the point, studies show that eczema risks go down when a parent tends to suck a dropped pacifier clean rather than washing it. Likewise, by the way, as gross as it may seem, exposing newborns to germs, pet and rodent dander, and roach allergens can lower the risk of developing asthma and allergies. Even thumb-sucking and nail-biting are correlated with a decreased risk of asthma and hay fever.

You might wonder whether the lick-the-pacifier approach should still be practiced while there is the risk of COVID-19. I asked pediatrician Phil Boucher that question, and he explained that this advice is “sound even in our current pandemic because the number of exposures from baby to mom is so high throughout the day that the effect of that very-infrequent saliva-cleaning trick is negligible when compared to all the moments of parent-child close contact.” That being said, though, during the current public health crisis, you might think twice about licking a pacifier that’s touched the ground in a public place. Scientific opinion is still developing, but at this point it’s probably advisable to save this practice for inside your home, where at least you know what kinds of gross stuff has been dropped on the floor.

But as a general rule, let your baby get into some messes, and do your best to enjoy those typically cringe-worthy moments — like the times your dog licks the applesauce off your child’s face — knowing that it’s fortifying their immune system. And when you drop the paci, you can feel just fine about plopping it into your mouth before you stick it back into your child’s.

Extended breastfeeding

Yes, there are plenty of people who judge mothers for nursing their children beyond their first birthday, but most experts agree that the benefits of prolonged breastfeeding — like bolstered immunities for the child, and a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers, heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis in the nursing mother — outweigh any drawbacks. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends breastfeeding for as long as the mother and baby choose to continue, and the World Health Organization and UNICEF recommend that breastfeeding continue until age 2 or longer, suggesting that it be frequent and on-demand.

The feedback loop between mother and child ensures that as the baby grows, the chemical makeup of the breast milk will change to meet the child’s evolving nutritional needs. Research has also found that women who breastfeed their children longer (up to age 3) exhibit more maternal sensitivity well past the infant and toddler years, with these benefits lasting even up until age 11 for the child. The same study found that nursing longer correlates with secure attachment.

You may choose not to nurse for an extended period, or you may not be able to for various reasons. You shouldn’t be judged for that, either. But research says that if you have the opportunity and inclination, nursing through the toddler years offers many benefits. Be sure to supplement your child's nutrition by getting him plenty of fruits, vegetables, grains, and foods or supplements that provide the necessary amounts of iron and vitamin D. And if you worry about others judging you for breastfeeding as your baby gets older, there are lots of ways to establish routines that help your toddler understand about privacy and about your boundaries regarding breastfeeding on demand.iStock

Piercing a baby’s ears

Despite the risks that can come with piercings regardless of age, infant ear piercing can be safe as long as the procedure is performed correctly and the wound is cared for well. The AAP affirms that ears may be pierced “at any age” but recommends waiting until the child is mature enough to take care of the pierced site herself.

Still, if your family’s or culture’s tradition is to pierce an infant’s ears, then there’s really no scientific reason not to do so. Just keep in mind the importance of having the procedure completed in a sterile environment by a qualified person who can guide you in post-procedure care. I agree with the AAP, which encourages parents to “have a doctor, nurse, or experienced technician” perform the procedure, and to ensure that the posts can’t come loose and pose a choking hazard. It’s also a good idea to wait until after the second round of vaccinations and your pediatrician has signed off on your baby’s overall health.

Using 'parentese'

What many call baby talk — now more typically referred to as “parentese speech” — is the communication style many of us tend to use automatically when we speak to babies. We address them almost musically, exaggerating our words and drawing out our vowels while speaking in a higher pitch. (“Do you see the babyyyyy? She’s little, like you! Oh, hi babyyy! Can you say hiiiiiii to the baaaby?”)

For some of us, this feels completely natural, even instinctive. For others, it can create feelings of self-consciousness, especially when others are watching (and possibly judging). We might even hear from people that we’re limiting our child’s development by using infantile speech patterns, that we should speak in a more “adult” tone that will model language use and acknowledge the intelligence of infants.

The truth, though, is that across languages and cultures, and controlling for socioeconomic status, speaking in parentese aids a child in terms of attention and social responsiveness, vocabulary acquisition, spoken word recognition, vocalization, and on and on. Babies even prefer baby talk over standard speech. Later on, they’ll obviously (hopefully!) move toward standard speech. But for now, let them have fun learning the patterns, rhythms, and vocabulary of their language while interacting with you in a way that connects you two even more.

Holding a baby too much

Even these days with decades of science that say otherwise, there are still people who will warn you about being too responsive to your baby’s cries. They’ll say that frequently holding your baby or picking her up or responding every time she calls for you will spoil her and teach her that she can manipulate you into responding whenever she wants you nearby. They’ll emphasize the importance of letting kids learn to soothe themselves, so they don’t grow up too dependent or entitled.

Science doesn’t have much patience for this particular position. Research argues, instead, that babies are cognitively incapable of manipulation, and you can’t spoil them through affection, holding them too much, or responding to their cries. Yes, you have to take care of your own needs, but hold your baby as much as you can and as much as she needs. That’ll strengthen the relationship and create trust between the two of you. Plus, doing so comes with numerous health and developmental benefits, for both parent and child.

But what about the dependence argument? If you’re there every time your child needs you, won’t that prevent him from developing the ability to meet his own needs? Actually, longitudinal research over many decades has demonstrated that when parents respond quickly and sensitively to their child’s cries (even beyond infanthood), it does not make the child more dependent, but rather promotes independence because the child comes to trust that the caregiver will be there when needed and keep them safe when a need is communicated. They’ll, therefore, feel safe enough to explore and move toward independence as they’re developmentally ready, and take healthy risks and face life’s challenges with resilience.

As for the message you’re sending when you respond to your infant’s cries? Yes, he’s going to learn the lesson that when he needs you, you’ll be there for him. What better message do you want to repeatedly send at this early stage of his life?

My closing advice is to trust yourself

I’m not saying that on any of these issues, you should completely ignore what others think. Listen to other credible, trustworthy opinions — those of your family and friends, and those of experts, including your pediatrician and scientific studies. After all, knowledge is power, and the more you can inform yourself, the better you’ll be able to make good decisions for your child.

But then, once you’ve heard the information and opinions, considered your family and cultural traditions, and thought about your particular infant’s needs, trust yourself to make the bests decisions for your baby and yourself. Yes, you have your own biases and preconceptions, and it’s important to remain aware of any moments where you might not be open-minded. But assuming you’ve sincerely listened to the advice of the experts and the people you trust, you can then relax and trust your instincts, deciding what makes the most sense to you. Each child, and each family, is different. There are lots of ways to be a great parent. And with your child, and in your family, you are the expert.

Tina Bryson, Ph.D., is the author of new book The Bottom Line for Baby: From Sleep Training to Screens, Thumb Sucking to Tummy Time — What the Science Says, available now.