All of us--kids, parents, teachers, everyone--are holding a heavy load right now, unsure what to anticipate as children go back to school this year. I get a lot of questions about how we “catch kids up” as they return.

My answer is very simple: Prioritize making them feel safe.

Because here’s the thing. They are where they are, developmentally. They are where they are, each of them as individuals: academically, socially, and emotionally. And it's the same in terms of their mental health, stress tolerance, and more. There will be a huge range in what we see as kids return to classrooms. We need to start by meeting them where they are. And guess where that starts: with safe, connected relationships.

Time invested in helping kids feel safe and grounded will pay off, leading them to be able to learn more this year than if we just focus on cramming academics. We learn best when we feel safe and connected.  High pressure mixed with high stress backfires, making it less likely kids will learn.

Remember that the brain makes associations from our experiences. Think about the interactions you have with your kids around school-related things. This year, work on providing experiences that help your child find enjoyment in learning, feeling positive about school, falling in love with ideas, and lead your child to know that you care more about them than their performance.

Yes, we want to challenge our children and encourage them to stretch--that's important--but we want to be careful not to be bathing them in stress day after day. And we want to be intentional about the associations they're creating about who they are as learners and students. (By the way, if your child is really struggling in school and hates all of it, talk to your child’s teacher and consider reaching out for some insight to chase the why! It can be very helpful to ensure there isn’t an underlying learning challenge.)

Teachers are given a very challenging task of taking kids where they are and getting them to the same academic milestones as usual. This should not lead us to  create a frenzied, high-pressure, intense demand for academics. It should lead us to taking the time to set kids up to be in the optimal state to learn the most. That means we start with helping them feel safe, happy, and connected. Protect play. Protect sleep. Emphasize connection. That’s when they’ll learn most.